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Too Hard to Deal With (for My Imaginary Audience)

By William (January 9, 2006)

I am afraid of everything, so people
(Does my imaginary audience count?)
Call me strange.
Though I am truly not.
My mom says I’m talented,
(I wonder why?) Though my mind says
“I’m too hard to deal with.”

How very peculiar, I was so sure that I was not
Too hard to deal with. I have eyes that are emerald blue
… ish. And my fingers are perfect-
ly long, like deformed spiders.
(Which I am also afraid of …The spiders not the hands.)
But I am ordinary. Is that too hard to deal with?

I am sad, (I cry then.) I hide when I meet my relatives.
(Doesn’t everybody?)
I despise certain people, but I trust everybody.
Oh damn the hypocrisy of it all!
Too naive for my own good, I guess.
Is that too hard to deal with, too?
Am I some sort of animal? In the zoo
(For my imaginary audience of course).

My name is William Bennett the Third.
Though perhaps today I will be just William,
Or Timberwolf, a name I once wanted.

Maybe now I won’t be so damn trusting.
Perhaps my brain will not say
“I am not too hard to deal with.”
As I rip out their (my audience’s) throats for my brunch, yum.
Like the animal that I truly wish to be.
Then they will get their guns and violate my creativity.

People say I am fine, then they say I am strange. Wrongly.
For they are the ones who are odd if they think I am all that exotic.
I am too damn busy being too hard to deal. With to be both
strange and naïve (Damn it!) too. It would tear too many people
Apart.

My name is William Bennett. I love most things
And people too. But I am too hard to deal with,
Right now.
To you, (my imaginary audience.)